Homesick
by MsAnimanga
Summary: A series of drabbles chronicling Quinn's transformation from Lucy to Quinn, developing feelings for a certain songstress, and grappling with her faith. Based on the song Homesick by Sleeping At Last.


_You spend your whole life just to remember the sound. When the world was brighter, before we learned to dim it down._

There was a time when Lucy Quinn Fabray experienced days were full of vivid light, color, sound - endless possibilities.

The trees called to Lucy, whispering green leaves drawing her out into the sunlight. Her favorite shady spot in the park awaited her after school,

Bright yellow rays warmed her as she clutched her books, trailing a red wagon behind her with the heavier books and a pink Barbie lunchbox.

She enhanced her surroundings with imaginary lands, vivid landscapes and faraway places. The adventurers in her books read as bright and loud across the pages and in her mind.

Lucy was blissfully unaware of the looks that the other children sometimes gave her. She did not hear the word "fat" until she was in the first grade, and only the mean laughter of the children told her that it was an unkind word.

Her books were always comforting, and it was easy to ignore the remarks from other students. Lucy was still the brilliant little girl that she had always been, albeit a bit quieter. The people in her books were strong and brave, and that was one of her favorite words.

Brave.

She learned to spell it and scribbled the letters in bright colors across the pages of her Pokemon notebook on bad days.

Lucy's smile never dimmed, she created her own world with her words and her private adventures in her backyard.

That was until she learned that it was safer not to be quite so bright.

It was a Wednesday morning, her favorite school day because they took trips to the library as a class. She wandered into the lower level reading aisles, far too simple for her reading level, but she checked out the more difficult books from the Lima Public Library. Most of the students in her class rarely came to this aisle, after all.

After choosing a book on dinosaurs complete with pictures, she stood in line quietly browsing the pages.

"Lucy." She ignored the whisper, opting to press her nose further into her book.

"Lucy Caboosey." The voice whispered again, a cruel bite in the words.

"Please leave me alone." She spoke the words at the triceratops on page fifteen, tracing the bright yellow creature with her eyes and imagining what it must be like to have such tough skin.

"Hey four eyes, I'm talking to you."

She felt a tug on one of her braids, and her eyes slipped closed.

"Stop." She whispered, unsure if the person would so much as hear.

The fist around her braid tugged again, and tears slipped from hazel eyes.

"That hurts, cut it out." Lucy spun on her tormentor, stamping her foot and clutching her book to her chest.

"Earthquake!" Timothy widened his eyes exaggeratedly and threw himself to the floor, laughing until he pulled himself up.

"You're a loser. Don't you do anything other than stick your fat nose in books?" He sneered, pressing his finger into the book's cover.

The pages fluttered as the book clattered to the floor and Lucy fled, finding the nearest restroom. She slid to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and wondering why she couldn't be brave.

Vivacity and resiliency only go so far in a young girl.

Lucy learned to change, to dull the world around her in order to fit into it.

Her nose went, along with her weight, and the glasses. The books were left behind in favor of cheerleading and dance lessons.

Lucy became Quinn, her spirit and personality left behind with her name.

* * *

The most prominent colors in Quinn's life are now red, white, and black.

Status is important. The Cheerios outfit makes her stand out.

Red is a bright color, she reasons. It flashes in the halls and gains her the right kind of attention.

Reverence. Fear. Respect.

The sharp outline of her perfect nose, the slight curve of her hips, fit perfectly to this person that she has become.

Even perfection and status don't quite quench her thirst for the rich color and feeling that she once had.

The fluorescent lights on her uniform seem to be the closest she will ever get to that vibrancy.

She's fine with that. Or so she thinks.

Quinn Fabray may never have placed the lingering yearning she had for that vibrancy had she not turned a corner just in time to witness a flash of color that day.

Bright blue, electric and cold, splashed and slid down the front of an orange sweater.

Tan hands wiped away the blue as quickly as possible, and Quinn saw a flash of something in deep brown eyes.

A brief moment of confusion, followed by hurt, and ultimately washed over by a wave of fury.

"If this is some sort of hazing ritual, I want no part in it!" This girl was apparently not aware that the less than popular students were greeted with slushies on a daily basis. She was also not informed that retaliating or speaking up was futile.

Hazel eyes watched as the short girl stamped her foot, staring down the burly jock before her. She radiated life, her voice extended across the space, and she seemed so bright in that moment.

Her personality clearly reflected the giant gold star emblazoned on the binder she was waving about.

The football player could easily crush her, that much was evident, but she stood her ground. A familiar word echoed in Quinn's mind.

Brave.

She slipped away quickly, ignoring the stirring in her stomach and the slight increase in her heart rate.

Her ears couldn't help but pick up the voice as it continued to carry down the hall.

That voice reached her again in the afternoon, as she packed her things after Cheerios practice. It was coming from the auditorium, and she followed the sound eagerly.

It bounced from the walls, reaching the corners of the room and slipping through Quinn's ears to settle in her chest.

She wondered what character the girl might be from her books – but that was a thing of the past. She was head Cheerio now, not the type to befriend a girl whose very being seemed to radiate sounds and colors that were almost too much to bear. They made her remember…

Quinn pulled out her Pokemon notebook that night, scribbling words into a notebook about the bright star lighting up the bleak school, despite the foreboding feeling settling into her stomach.


End file.
